Yesterday was a big day for my little girl. Her first sleepover with a girlfriend from school. She was thrilled and had no qualms when we questioned her about staying at someone else’s home. Piper is our social butterfly – she loves her friends and everything to do with them. She’s visited this home frequently for playdates. I trust the parents (they have three other children) and I know that they keep a close eye on the girls.
There was a problem that made me anxious … and I couldn’t get it off of my mind.
These friends have a pool. A beautiful, in-ground, spectacular pool.
Piper can’t swim.
I can only think of one thing that I fear in life …. drowning. I have a real life friend who lost a child to drowning; I have an online friend who lost a child to drowning; I have a former boss who commited suicide by drowning himself. Although I am an expert swimmer … it scares me to the core.
Swim lessons is one of those things that isn’t super convenient to working parents. The sessions often begin earlier than we can get there, and/or the schedules are extremely stringent. Our careers aren’t always that flexible.
I had been referred to a place recently that did lessons every day for two weeks. Perfect. I called last Wednesday and they only had a spot for one of my kids. I called another private instructor and she didn’t have any openings until July. I’ve now called and left a message at our local Y about paying an instructor to teach both of my children privately and am awaiting their return call.
Satan saw his chance to climb all over my “drowning” fears last night, and he did so with a vengence.
I questioned myself (don’t we all) for letting Piper go for the night. But, I had spoken with the parents (who know she can’t swim) and they assured me that there would be no pool time. (Plus, we were having some pretty heavy thunderstorms.) I had no reason not to trust them.
I let her go. I don’t ever want Piper to miss out on an opportunity because of MY fear.
Yesterday, I prayed a lot about the difference between “better judgement” and “fear”. Better judgement to me is not letting kids ride their bikes on the road. The chances of getting hit are real … the probablity is high. Fear is letting my mind develop situations that are unlikely and expanding upon them.
I was up all night … or until 4:00 AM-ish, at least. It probably didn’t help that I was reading Angie Smith’s book “I Will Carry You” which is about the death of her daughter. But, there were some verses in there about times when you have to ask for God’s provision and protection, and then trust him to give it. I needed that.
So, here I sit, the following morning, pouring over what a fool I was for being up all night. I guess a mother truly can’t sleep without all of her ducks in the nest. And, I certainly know that this will only get worse as I add in different varibles like riding in the car with another teen driver and going on dates with people I don’t approve of. I’m hoping that I get better at this and I’m sure I will.
In fact, I know that I will. My want for each child to experience a full, fun, and extraordinary life is FAR greater than any fear that man or Satan can put in my heart.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b